Listening helps...

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Thanks a lot, I just wasted 2 years of my life doing the impossible, thinking the impossible. I just am; trying to metamorphose myself into a better person is like chemically transforming lead into gold. Even if I managed to do so, it'll be like electroplating a coat of gold to a base metal. I won't be myself, I'll just be a manikin, a fraudulent piece of wax doll.
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Some people are making things so apparent. It's so obvious, so open to view, so crystal clear. It's like spotting a maroon-coloured rose among a bouquet of pale-white carnations.

It's so frustrating to see someone being anti-ed by someone else. Urgh, it's hard to explain it. But whenever that person does something, that other person that anti-es that person just gives that irritated look. And when others do something as irritating as what that person did to that other person, that other person just take it as humour.

Well, you can't assume what happened between those two persons, but I just cant stand it how that keeps going on. It's palpable that that other person anti-es that person. It's just so much easier if that other person just says "I anti you, so go away."

Seriously...
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FRIENDS... are seriously just so sucky. That's why I think I don't have any at all. It's just whether I know you, or you know me. We aren't friends, we just know that each other exists.

P.S. I sound like a jerk, an emo jerk. Lols... Sorry, if I am just plain evil.:(

Labels: some fings to say

2:36 PM

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Wow, like seriously, wow.

This week is so called the first week of the November/December holidays for the Secondary Threes. And currently, excluding the two weekend days, three days have passed, or as the time suggests, four days have passed.

And what? It seriously feels like a long, draggy week, probably because too many things happen in almost each day.

On Friday, 06112009, was one of Fadhli's and Cindy's big day. If you guys don't really know, it was their 35th NCO thing and they were like marching here and there, and playing (some songs with her instrument) here and there. It was... so cool!

They did up that show in like what? 5 days! Although there was some cock-ups - urgh, it still sounds seriously very wrong - screw ups - still the same effect, I guess - here and there, it was still awesome how they managed to pull through in just a brief 5 days. By the way, I think Cindy and Fadhli didn't do the screw-ups or cock-ups, or did they? Right, Fadhli?

Lols...

From Saturday through Monday, 07112009 to 09112009, was seriously quite fast paced, because I either go Facebook or study.

Tuesday, 10112009, was seriously a killer. I was either doing one thing or another, no time for self-reflections. My Malay Paper One was like a train on the verge of crashing into a wall built by dynamites. It was like trying to save the train as fast as possible before time runs out and... KA-BOOMZ! My Malay Paper Two was like a slow-moving train 900 miles before the wall of dynamites. I think you get my drift.

Anyway, after that, I had to 'rush' to Lot One to buy a ' lamb'. I sort of met up with Cindy, Feli-kh-j-x-cia and Lei Lei, and Kai Yan to buy the 'lamb'. We had lunch at Delifrance. Unfortunately for me, I didn't get my Diabolo, and didn't claim the 5 stickers after we ate the Student Meal. Oh, then Hui Fang came by, and we bought the 'lamb'. And the 'lamb' followed Hui Fang home, or something like that.

Then, Cindy, Feli-d-v-k-cia and I went back to school to practice for the G7 Campfire item. We managed to get the Music Room after the end of Physics Paper One, and taadaa, we practised some... urgh... things that I didn't really - no, that I not at all like. But I had to force myself to do it.

Actually, after the practice, I was like supposed to get Joyce's present with the trumpeters, and Aylwin, a trumpeter too. But it didn't happen as... it just didn't. So, no nice pencil case for Joyce!

Today, or rather yesterday, Wednesday, 11112009, some band members, mostly the ex cos, had to mark the field and stuff. We spent the whole morning measuring, trying to untangle some ropes, and also to tie some of them together. All in all, it was seriously taxing, and all we did was getting the template of the marking field thing done.

At noon, there was a meeting about the Band Camp and Dover Park Hospice and the resetting of dates. It was fun being the secretary, but seriously, I can't be one. All the details I wrote were seriously all over the place. But it is understood-able.

In the afternoon, we marked the field with lines. It was seriously fun, but tedious, complicated and very exhausting. I sort of moved from one job to another. From being the untangler, to the tape-tearer, to the measurer, to the supervisor, to the step-on-the-rope-so-that-it doesn't-move-er, to the parallel-checker, to the entertainer, to the cannot make it singer or hummer, to the rope-folderer, to the scratcher, and still a scratcher. After we stopped marking at the eighth or ninth line, because of the thunderstorm warning signal from Mr Daniel's phone, I just could not stop scratching my legs ands and scalp. And as I am typing this post, I'm still scratching.

Well, today, on Thursday, 12112009, I am going to have to clean up my room and cut my hair. Yes, cut my hair. I hope.

P.S. I think I have finally made the phrase 'like seriously' a cliche. Yes! Like seriously...

Labels: all bout 3T2, BANDito... the best, happy holidays??

12:17 AM

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Guess what?

I'm blogging and going to facebook when my Mother Tongue 'O' Levels is in two days' time. Damn it.

Then there's the G7 meeting for the band members involved right after papers one and two. And there's the marking of the field on Wednesday, one day after my papers. And there's also the Thank You cards for the teachers who came for the first ever BPMB Concert. And I haven't even started on it.

Oh my God.

I'm so dead.Seriously.Like really.

Well, I have to live with this right? It's called positive stress. *smiling positively*

Labels: some fings to say

8:29 PM

Friday, October 30, 2009

OKAY, I'M AFRAID.

I'm really scared if I cock up tomorrow, if the band cocks up, if anyone cocks up for that matter. That sentence is pretty disturbing, if you read it another way. But no one comes to my blog anyway, except for irritating people who WON'T STATE THEIR NAMES AND GIVE RETARDED COMMENTS THAT ARE NOT CONSTRUCTIVE.

Right now, my cheek muscles are really tensed and my mouth seems to be zonked out (I hope Ms Foo won't notice that slang). Actually, I'm quite stupid. I played the trumpet almost everyday this week. Now I'm too tired, as in my 'mouth muscles.

Oh God, help me...

I must calm down.

Like seriously.

Labels: some fings to say

8:38 PM

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Sometimes, I just don't understand some teachers. Seriously. Like seriously.
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They, as in some of them, or a handful, can't look at things at another perspective - at a student's, that is. Let me give you one example. Actually, there's only one example that I know of.

A few weeks ago, before the 'O' Levels began, before the EOYs, some of the teachers, or a tiny few of them, said that they will not really adhere to the Secondary Threes' work or homework that much as they (I think you get the drift of the 'they', which is not referring to all the teachers right now) will be helping the graduating classes. And their reason, or excuse, or whatever you or they may call it, is that 'O' Level is approaching.

I fully understand why they want to help the Secondary Fours. They want most of the Secondary Fours, if not, all of them to get A1s for the subjects. I know this is the aim of every teacher. I know they want to maintain BPGHS's title of a Band One school. This is good.

However, they are seriously missing the point. When they do this, they can NEVER stop doing this every year. Because, when they adhere to the Secondary Fours, they are actually neglecting the Secondary Threes, in terms of teaching us and stuff. And when we go to Secondary Four, we will have problems with our studies all over again, and probably with the Secondary Three work. Therefore, the teachers will have to help out the Secondary Fours next year, in other words us. This would affect the Secondary Threes next year, as in the Secondary Twos this year. This cycle would repeat itself over and over again until the school gets a very superbly intellectual batch of students, or until they change the way they approach this 'phenomena'.

Okay, I don't know what to call this problem. Oh wait, it's called problem. Lols.

Oh well, I don't need to understand the teachers, as in some or a handful or a few of them. They're adults anyway. They work in wonderous ways. Lol.

Now, back to the main topic.

Three days ago was my birthday. Yeah, HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAZRIQ or KHALID, or whatever that floats your boats.

Anyway, it's just 15. Who cares. Not even 16.

And since I'm bored out of my wits, let me keep the next few paragraphs short and simple.

All I wanted to say is that I really appreciate all of your 'presents' that you all gave me. Seriously. And when I say presents I don't mean all those nitty gritty gifts (idk if that phrase exists). I meant the smses that I receive from everyone, the birthday wishes that I hear from people, the notices on my Facebook wall. Two years ago, or even last year, I have never gotten a lot of birthday wishes from people. So yeah, I really feel touched...

Thank you, all of you. :')

And and and, I really appreciate all the things my family did for me. Really. On Tuesday, one day after my birthday, I had a 'birthday dinner' with thm, most of them. Then, today, we cut cake. Lols. :')

To conclude, there are two morals of the story. Firstly, family is important as they are always there for you. And as you can see, the difference about this year, as compared to the last two years, is that I socialise with people. Hence, my advice, or my senior's advice (Aylwin's) is, never anti-socialise. :)

P.S. Read between the lines, as in the spaces. DUH!

Labels: frenzy fiends... imean friends, sillee familee, some fings to say

11:15 PM

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Yeah...
Not really...
But still, it's the End of End of Year Examinations 2009!

Something to be happy about?
Like seriously? No, but yeah, but no, but yeah..

No.
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Contradictions.
What is wrong wrong with me?
I can't even type what I really want to say.
I'm seriously lost for words.
I dunno why but I can't seem to organise my thoughts.
Too many things in my mind.

I'm not even typing in paragraphs.
It's like in stanzas.
What the heck - a poem?
Reateart
No, ratertard.
Argh, retadsts.
Retard.
Yes, retardedly retarded.

I hate myself.
I screwed up EOYs.
That's why EOEOYs is not something to be happy about.
But Ting Fang says,"It's temporary freedom, before we get our papers."

So comforting.
Yippee...
^That's an irony.
By the way, if poems are like these, wouldn't it be easy to understand?

Oh ya, the prose now.

I was like mugging with cups of hot tea, cold tea, coffee - don't tell my Dad - and all sorts of things. But not a single thing can be absorbed. Not a single paragraph, sentence, phrase, word, letter, stroke, dot. This is what I get for last minute studying.

So I ended up studying dust for my Economics and Literature, not that I studied for Literature or anything (Ms Foo, don't read that, ignore that...). I guess my body thought that when Chemistry paper ended, I could relax. I need not worry about the other four papers.

Hence, I took a short nap on Tuesday afternoon. That was when my future had been augured by my own mind, fears, phobias...

I dreamt that I was near a playground, approaching the stairs that would lead to the playground. Out of the blue, or green grass, a tiger was lazing around in proximity. A tiger escaped the zoo, I thought. Then, when I looked at my right a young cute cougar, thrice the size of a domestic cat, was playing with daffodils, or dried leaves.

That was sort of a shock to me. Just then, near the playground that I was heading to, were a lioness and a cheetah, playing with a swing. Scratch, scratch. Scratch, scratch. Without hesitation, I ran for the stairs. I tried to. But by then, the cougar and the tiger were already on their paws, in a hunter's crouch. I was stupid, at that time, and I ran for the playground, climbing a spiral pole. There was already a cat on the playground.

I was grasping the pole, my life almost at an end. Suddenly, I could hear the message ringtone of my phone. I couldn't really remember what the message was, but it was sort of a threat, someone blackmailing me.

Then, a cat that resembled a female lion, with a white belly fur, bit either my left foot or my left hand. I tried to bring my lower body higher to prevent that weird-looking cat from biting me. However, my attempt were to no avail.

At that moment, I was in a semi-conscious state. I knew that I was sleeping on the day-bed at the living room. But, at the same time, I could feel that cat biting my buttock. I could feel myself moving on the bed, trying to avoid 'the cat'.

The next moment, I forced myself to open my eyes, and finally wake up.
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And yes.

The four cats that attacked me really attacked me these past two days. I really screwed up my last four papers (Economics, Literature, Additional Mathematics, Biology) without even using a screwdriver.

Felicia said that the four cats died. So now they should haunt me... soon.

Anyway, I had to do some silly survey about some random stuffs after the Biology paper. It was boringly fun. Then, went for lunch with Lei squared, Cindy and Sharleen. Then look for something about tomorrow, or for 2morrow?

Labels: random tots

9:08 PM

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

This has gone too far...
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Like seriously. I haven't been blogging, or even touched facebook for a very long time already. The task that Ms Aza gave to each of the band exco members was not even fulfilled yet. To tell you the truth, I seriously haven't been hitting the books as well. So yes, I've been sleeping and neglecting my studies ever since towards the end of Term 3.

I dunno why I've been a coward to studying lately. I just can't bring myself to do things like homework, or another thing now foreign to me - revision. What is wrong with me?!

I'm trying my best to pick up the pieces but trying hard enough is not enough. Therefore, one has to show that one tried hard. And the way to show it is through ones grades.

Worst of all, I don't think I even need a screwdriver to screw up my End of Year papers.

Thanks world, thank you so very much.

P.S. Sorry about the grammatical errors. Well, to err is human after all...

...and it's partly due to my lack of practising my English Language.

Labels: some fings to say

12:19 AM

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

I DUNNO WHAT TO SAY...

I just don't think I have any time for blogging anymore. So much - too much has happened during this June Holidays. I feel that I am at home less often than I am in school. What kind of holiday is this?

All I know is that the BIG HOOHA about this June Holidays is H1N1. Then, there's Band Festival, which is then postponed because of the BIG HOOHA. Oh, and the Biology Oral Examinations, which was postponed because of the BIIIG HOOOHA as well. There's also the Cheering Competition Rehearsals. But then, the Cheering Competition is postponed and you know the reason why. And there's this Malay Classical Drama, which is fortunately NOT postponed. Anyway, I'm just playing a major minor role; any dove can replace the pigeon.

My Godmother wanted to make plans during my holiday, but noooo, I can't go on holiday, I got a lot of something on. What the fucking hell is wrong with this fucking June Holidays? I still haven't done some catching up with my studies, and I don't mean homework. I haven't even started catching up with finding my true identity, do a self reflection, do what I want to do, aim for that stupid goal, do something human, etcetera...

And now, the fucking June Holidays is ending.

Okay, I'm done with the vulgarities. Sorry for being so rude. Sorry for being so naive. Sorry for being so stupid, so insensitive, so fake to the point I am not being honest about my true feelings until I did not show what I wanted to show, until I did not say what I wanted to say. Sorry for letting people step all over me.

I feel so fucking sorry for that fucking kid with that fuck-tard... Oh sorry, no more vulgarities in this post. Sorry if you guys are offended, but that kid over there, I hope YOU are offended, you freshman - woman.

Enough with the mood swings, I'll get on with the purpose of this post.

Firstly, I am too lazy to talk about the Malay Seminar at Meridian Junior College, or the Wau Competition (BPGHS got in first place), basically anything that happened on the 1st and 3rd week of the June Holiday. I am also not gonna talk about Band, Drama or Cheering Competition rehearsals.

If I were to blog about the Outward Bound Singapore (OBS) Course during the 2nd week of June Holidays, this post would be far too long. Therefore, I'm not gonna waste my time blogging about the damned June Holidays.

So, let me share my "learning experiences" during Term 2 this year.

I learnt that we should not look at other people's perspective of a certain person. We should make our own judgements of someone based on what we observe of that person, and not only what we hear from someone else.

They say that "There's two sides of a coin". But that does not mean you should look at both sides of the coin. In my opinion, you should look at the third side of the coin, the curved side, the side that combines both sides of the coin - and also with your added perceptions that is depicted by the jaggedness of the curved side.

I also learnt to say the word "No."

Not because you don't like that person, or because you don't care but because you know your hands are seriously tied up.

I dunno what to say...

P.S. I hope Ms Foo doesn't read this post, it's so vulgar.
P.P.S. I hurt the flesh under my tongue by a biscuit.
P.P.P.S. You know the XOXO Gossipgirl thingy, my mother pronounces it as "ZOZO"!

Labels: happy holidays??, some fings to say

10:36 PM

Monday, May 25, 2009

YESTERDAY, SHARLEEN, DEREK, NATHANIEL, AND I WENT TO DO OUR CME PROJECT AT PASIR RIS.

Why did we have to go that far? Well, the reason is that we went to Pets Villa, to do some CIP there. Thanks to Sharleen's father, we arrived at Pets Villa on time.

Overall, I thought that the CIP there was quite meaningful as we got the first-hand experience of taking care of pets in an animal welfare home. It was as if I experienced how the usual volunteers do it, how they had to mix the rice with sardines and chicken before feeding the cats, or haw the had to tirelessly go from cage to cage to feed the cats.

It was. Great.

But, there are some things that I find that the animal welfare home needs room for improvement. First, they said there were two sides, the dogs-side and the cats-side. However, when Nathaniel and I went to the cats-side, there were still dogs in them. Then, I had a hard time in there as I would frequently ask Nathaniel to shoo the dogs away from me.

Second, the cages were very dusty and full of cobweds. Nathaniel was attacked by spiders four times!

As a whole, I expected more from the Pets Villa that we went on Sunday. From the comprehension that we did, I pictured Pets Villa to be more... wow!... to be a "paradise" for animals. Well, my imagination might be asking for too much.

Today, we had our SCHOOL CONCERT. Wow.

That wasn't supposed to be sarcasm but I felt that the first half of the concert, in other words, the time before recess, was a bit draggy and boring as people were just singing and dancing and this and that.

Then, the concert kick up a notch during recess when the 'O'Level Music students performed on stage. Their performance was awesome, especially the duet from Jia Yee and Jeshrei. They played "Canon" or something like that. The other performances during recess were fun too. Some wanted encore for "The Black Parade" but they were too shy - I was too shy - to ask the 'O'Level Music students.

After recess, even though I didn't eat anything, we had BPian Idol. It was just... interesting.

Okay, because I am running out of time, as my sister wants to use her laptop, I shall cut things short.

After school, I went around to ask people to be my observers. You guys don't really need to know about the observing thing. It's just about other people doing a survey on me. The end.

I ate lunch in school with Elvina and Ginny. Then we talked to these people, and those people and yah.

P.S. I am getting addicted to the Pokemon Yellow Version game that Derek sent me on Sunday. LOL.

Labels: school daze

9:49 PM

Thursday, May 21, 2009

I'M VERY VERY VERY SLOW AT THIS.

Mid Year Examinations are over. Well, they are long over. but, is it my fault? No.

Firstly, I wanted to post something on my blog on the day of the Biology paper, when I got home from school. However, there were some casualties that befall me on that fateful day.

After my Friday prayers, which I almost came late to, I went home and changed back to my uniform. I had to go for my second CCA, Malay Cultural Society (MCS) as there was a meeting of some sort. Off I went... (lol)

They talked and talked about this and that. Yeah, it was pretty much boring but interesting. After a while, I felt nausea kicking in. It was the most horrible feeling ever. It was like a million shards that pierced into my skull, making me bleed, killing my very soul with the pain that engulfs me. I almost died from it.

We also had a talk about performing a play about this stupid smart boy named Nadim and all the stupid smart things he had done, and eventually got killed. Hazim and I got to try out Nadim's part. I didn't get it but I was glad because I wanted something else - stage manager, if they allow!

As soon as it ended, I walked home, walking at my usual fast speed. I didn't know I have always walked fast, well, until someone told me.

When I reached home, I felt so tipsy I thought I was gonna vomit - and I did.

I darted to the washroom, my surroundings became a blur. The next thing I knew was that my head was above the toilet bowl, making those painful vomiting sounds. As I vomited, I could feel the strain in my stomach. My stomach was as if being compressed and forced to push out the partly digested food. At one point of time, I even thought food was leaving the small intestine. I dunno if that's even possible!

Whatever I ate this afternoon came out. Pieces of green ondeh-ondeh, and curdled tahuay, and I could feel the hydrochloric acid in my mouth. It was horrible, just unbearably horrible.

The part beside my belly-button seemed bulging, as if an organ was not in place, but after a while, it disappeared. Phew, I almost thought something was wrong with me.

I told Sharleen about the incident after I bathe, and also added that my nausea had gone after I vomited. But. I was. Wrong.

That night, my headache, not migraine this time, got worse. I even vomited even after I have nothing in my stomach, let alone small intestines. Also, I went to the washroom often to pass motion, but all that came out was water, and some brownish liquid, probably bile.

On Saturday, I could not get out of my bed unless I had to do some sanitary business. I even dirtied 4 pants and 1 blanket over the night and early morning. Then, when I took my temperature in the evening, I was shocked, devastated that it reached to 39.3degrees!

In the night, my body temperature continue climbing, until 39.8 or something. My sisters had to painstakingly sponge me with cold ice water to bring down my temperature - it did not work. Then, my dad threw me into the cold shower at night and splashed me with iced water. What the hell! It was cold hell.

Then, after that cold situation, my sisters continued sponging me. Thankfully, my temperature dropped a bit, by 0.1 degrees!

On Sunday, which is the day I was supposed to go for a CME project at Pets Villa with Sharleen, Derek and Nathaniel, I stayed at home. Sadly, the CIP was cancelled. Sorry guys.

I just stayed in bed and rested myself all day long. The headache that I felt was crazy! I could feel my head as if it was being hit by bags; not ordinary ones but he ones filled with all the hard toys such as those action figures.

I dunno why my imagination led to there. But when I rest, I kept on dreaming about that, being hit by those bags, bruising me. The imaginary bruises in my dream were actually the "bruises" formed in my head. Stupid headache. Ouch...

That night, my father sent me to KK hospital. My temperature was just stagnant at 38.3 degrees, so I had to be treated by a pofessional, right?

So that is it, I think. That was how I got my 5-days Medical Certificate.

Sadly, I still had to remain a home and could not go for the level camp. I didn't even managed to check my examination papers on Monday and Tuesday. The reason? I still had diarrhoea that time. Sad, sad.

But I decided, okay maybe I was persuaded by Ms Foo, to go back to school tomorrow. Probably, I'll just slack there, and maybe welcome the rest of you back from camp, if you guys are still alive, that is.

P.S. Now I know what kind of shows that primary school children watch. They're a load of crap! Not all of them...
P.P.S. Ms Foo is so persuasive! I like...

Labels: sillee familee, some fings to say

8:11 PM

Thursday, May 7, 2009

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. OVER A MONTH. ONE. SATU. YI. MXGISWHUI.

It so unbelievable that I did not post a single thing on my GREEN blog. Not even changing the blogskin or the song or the font colour. Yet, in one month, so much has happened ever since I lost contact with technology.

A couple of days before the wretched E-Learning Day, my secondhand laptop, passed down from my sister, crashed. It's shimmering screen died, its soul pulled away by the wires and plugs. It just could not turn itself on. Screen, forever blank.

After that incident, my life had become so dependent n my sisters. Whenever I needed to use the computer I would have to wait till they are done with their work and what not. And every time my fingers itched to post something or to go Facebook, I just can't.

Like I said, a lot happened in my life. Went for ACJC Concert, had a lot of tests, E-Learning Day, Good Friday, Napfa test, lost my NEW ez-link card, made a new one, Mid-Year Examinations and this and that.

I don't usually post anything in my blog when it's the Exam Period (27 April - 15 May). Yes, I don't do that. But this is an exeption. It is. Don't say no.

That's all, I guess.

Now, I'll just have to lead a no-life life... by studying..

Mid-Year Examination Dates:

27 April - Higher Malay Paper 1 (1500-1700)
28 April - English Paper 1 (0800-0945), English Paper 2 (1050-1230), Higher Malay Paper 2 (1500-1700)
4 May - Social Studies (0800-0905)
7 May - Elective English Literature (0800-0940), Chemistry (1040-1240)
12 May - Additional Mathematics (0800-1000)
13 May - Elementary Mathematics (0800-1000), Economics (1050-1220)
14 May - Physics (0800-1000)
15 May - Biology (0800-1000)

Done
Not Done

P.S. I'm turning from GREEN to ORANGE, soon...

Labels: some fings to say

11:33 PM

Saturday, March 28, 2009

I COMPLAIN A LOT. I KNOW.

Don't mind me. I'm having mood swings...

Labels: some fings to say

9:01 PM